Bisexual Adventuress

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It takes a trusting, healthy relationship to make it work.

When I think about open marriages, I can only conjure a stereotype: deeply unsatisfied adults, most likely going through a mid-life crisis, pathetically searching for hot sex as a solution. You know, key parties, “The Ice Storm.” It is difficult for me to think of it as something new or current, or as something my friends would do.

But apparently, I am stuck in the past. Plenty of intelligent, successful, hip people are considering the not-quite-forsaking-all-others option on ’til-death-do-us-part. And by now, most women are familiar with the statistic heard ’round the world, publicized in an article in “The New York Times” in January. At this time in our history, for the first time ever, there are more women living that are single than are married. Women are staying single. Couples are divorcing. Marriage isn’t entirely working, at least for a subset of the population. So could non-monogamous coupling be the answer?

To look into that very question, I created a Personals profile on Nerve.com, a site that encourages candid dialog about sex through blogs, feature stories, fiction and photography. I became, for the purposes of this story, a woman looking for fun times with couples (man and woman)–yes, this is a check-box option there–and thus was permitted to peruse through other similar profiles. I found dozens upon dozens of couples, some married, some attached, some who preferred not to say, but most of whom claimed to be healthy, happy, stable and just looking for cool people to hang out with who didn’t mind getting naked at the end of the night.

By observation, most Nerve couples seemed to be in their mid-20s to mid-30s and most were Caucasian (profiles that included a photo were available for viewing first). Like any other dating site, people seemed to come from a range of incomes, occupations, and cities across the country, including Oregon, Wisconsin, Texas, Illinois, Connecticut, New York, and Massachusetts. The couples were open to meeting other couples, and other single women, but few sought to bring a single man into the dating scenario. (I sent emails to six couples explaining that I was looking for input on the topic of this story, but I haven’t had any responses.)

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