A very birght idea.

An absolutly amazing idea.

I was trying to decide what to get my best mate for christmas. What does she want, what does she really want. Hmmm, let me think – chocolate, sexy bath bubbles – hmm, nice but boring. Surely there must be somethng she wants. Then i remembered a drunken chat we had about how she finds her vibrator a bit noisy and is always concious about her housemates hearing it, and worse still she said that when she uses it the TV in the comunal living room goes all fuzzy.

So I thought, by George I’ve got it, the girl has got it, I’m a genius – I’ll get her a super quiet vibrator for xmas.  So I headed over to my sex toy website of choice, and searched for a super quiet vibrator. I found a few but set my eyes on this vibrator for £9.99.  Watched the video about how super quiet yet powerful it is.

I was almost convinced but I was popping into town in the afternoon so thought I’d go to Anne Summers and see what they could offer me. I was quite dispointed really, the staff were helpful but thye just didn’t have what I wanted. I asked them to show me their quietest vibrator, which as it turns out was not quiet at all. In fact I do wonder if the shop assistant had misheard and thought I asked her to show me the vibrator that she would recomend using if you want all your housemates to hear through the wall.

Anyway I decided that lovehoney was the place to get it from.   Despite the fact delivery is free on any order a the moment, I couldn’t stop myself from adding a few extras for me to my basket. The next day I got home from work to find my parcel waiting for me – yipee. I opened it up to find that somehow I’d acidentally ordered two. My stupidity I’m sure, I remember thinking that the order was a bit more expencive than I’d added up in my head. One for me one for her – best mates – matching vibrators – how cute, haha. But that’s not what I wanted I just wanted one for her. So the extra vibrator gives me a problem.

While I was waiting for the order to be delivered I started to wonder if my genius idea, was actually real genius or just stupid. Is it appropriate to give a vibrator to your best mate. She’s a quite open minded girl – well you’d have to be to be mates with me, but she doesn’t really know the true depths of my perversions and i suspect now may be quite embarrased to get a vibrator for xmas.

So what do you think?

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A Report by Carly “Pleasure” Drew

Sliquid Swirl Glycerin Free Blue Rasperry Flavoured Lubricant is a 125ml bottle of clear water based gel which looks somewhat like bubble bath. I love a good bubble bath, especially whilst eating marshmallows, so this particular taste test already seems promising.
The short, rather cute looking bottle has lovely graphics and a lid that matches the packaging. This co-ordination of colours pleases me, especially as I notice that it also matches the bottle of water and tissues sat on my desk. I will put them all together to create a lovely display for anyone who chooses to visit me in my corner of the office.
Upon opening the sealed bottle, there is a faint, yet delicious fruity scent. I am slightly perplexed at the name of this product as it is listed as “blue raspberry”. From my previous research, I would have assumed a blue raspberry was in fact a blueberry. However, the smell is more of a general berry odour and, depending on your preference, can be assumed to be raspberry, blueberry or even blackberry.
My theory is that this intimate lubricant, with its multi-odoured properties and delightfully co-ordinated packaging (I have also discovered that it matches the trimming on my handbag so will place that in my ever growing museum of “things that match the Sliquid Swirl Glycerin Free Blue Rasperry Flavoured Lubricant bottle”), will be delicious in flavour and could be considered as one of my five-a-day of fruit and vegetables.

Hypothesis
In order to prove my theory that Sliquid Swirl Glycerin Free Blue Rasperry Flavoured Lubricant will taste simply magical in flavour, I intend to lick the product from the back of both hands (for an unbiased opinion) then produce a full report on my findings.

Experiment Diary
14.00 – Open bottle of Sliquid Swirl Glycerin Free Blue Rasperry Flavoured Lubricant and inhale the sweet, exquisite smell.
14.01 – Consider using the lubricant as a perfume.
14.02 – Sneeze loudly in a very quiet office and headbutt the bottle in the process.
14.04 – Rub lubricant with my little finger on to the back of one hand, then rub both hands together in a clockwise direction.
14.10 – The lubricant is still moist on the back of my hands, so even if it doesn’t taste like little pixies are caressing my taste buds, it certainly does the job as a lubricant.
14.12 – Lick the back of both hands whilst hiding behind my computer screen.
14.14 – Think about going out and buying some ice cream so the lubricant can be used as a delicious topping and/or sauce for it.

Findings
The Sliquid Swirl Glycerin Free Blue Rasperry Flavoured Lubricant was licked from my hands in short, gentle licks, having learnt my lesson from the previous taste test and wanting to avoid unnecessary gurning or cringing in the office this time.

My findings are very positive for this product. The lubricant really does last longer than most Hollywood marriages and happens to taste like a party in my mouth, to which all the berries are invited!
The texture is almost syrupy, making me want to pour it on pancakes and eat whilst reading a fine piece of Chaucer. The texture is also similar to your own natural lubrication, making it perfect for whatever sexual shenanigans you decide to get up to!

Conclusion
In conclusion, my hypothesis has been proven true – Sliquid Swirl Glycerin Free Blue Rasperry Flavoured Lubricant does indeed taste like Paul Daniels has blessed my tongue with his magical sorcerery (that’s not a euphemism).

There are currently no side effects from the reasonable amount of lubricant I have ingested. Therefore, I believe it is safe to conclude that Sliquid Swirl Glycerin Free Blue Rasperry Flavoured Lubricant is the ideal lubricant for oral, vaginal and anal sex, as well as ice cream sundaes.

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I think I’ll start it off with a long soak in a bubbly hot bath and test out exactly how waterproof my new vibrator is. I’ve had so called waterproof vibrators before and have been less than impress. Testing them out in the bath has generally been a rather disappointing experience.

Buy new vibrator – try new vibrator – love new vibrator – try new vibrator in bath – drown new vibrator – bury new vibrator.

I bought my new one from a shop in York last weekend. A purchase that was long overdue. I wanted to buy one of those Vibrating Rock Chicks which apparently thanks to its unique shape provides exquisite vaginal G-spot and clitoral stimulation. A multi-orgasmic combination that will have you in raptures. But I didn’t fancy forking out the £40 that Ann Summers wanted for it when I know that I could get it much cheaper from Lovehoney. Well I could if there was time for it to be delivered but as I was heading off to spend the weekend with a very sexy friend of mine in a couple of hours and wanted to share the fun there was no time to get it delivered.

I did a little bit of web trawling to look for a local sex shop alternative to Ann Summers. I stumbled across XES in York which sells a wide range of sex toys, clothes and dvds on their website. I was really impressed with their prices so planned a trip to their shop the next day. I was very disappointed with the shop compared to their amazing website there was hardly anything for sale. It turns out that the local council had been causing them grief and was restricting the amount of sex toys they could stock. How ridiculous, some people are so small minded. They’ve also been accused from running a brothel from the second floor of the shop. Well unless it was a brothel for Barbie dolls I’m not sure how anyone could think there would be space for that. Anyway enough of my ranting I just really hate it when people try and spoil things.

So I ended up not buying a Rock Chick and stuck to a more conventional vibrator which my friend helped me choose and then use later that evening. I love playing with toys, alone and with company, but especially with company. I really love double penetration using a vibrator / dildo and a raging hard-on. The stuff that dreams are made of.

If you watched this week’s episode of Skins did you see the pink mechanical hand reminiscent of Thing from the Adams family. It was very odd.

Useful links:

http://www.xesyork.com/

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/

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