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Sexy phrases to help you talk dirty in bed

editor — Mon, 18 May 2009 21:09:49 +0000

I love talking dirty and being talked dirty to. Dirty phone calls, sexy texts, kinky emails but best of all one on one in the bedroom.

Here are some great phrases that lovehoney have put together to help you get over your tongue tiedness and get you and your lover fucking like wild animals!

This is going to be the filthiest night of your life
I’m dripping wet and gagging for you
Fuck me now!
You look really sexy when you do that…
You can have me any way you want
I’m your sex slave for the evening
I’m naked and I’m touching myself…
You make me so horny
I want you to touch me here…
It drives me wild when you look at me like that
Put your big, hard cock in my mouth
Get the camera!
I’m gonna lick you until you scream
Tie me up and touch me slowly
You taste so good
I want to rub my pussy all over your face
Pound me into oblivion
Fuck me like a porn star
Spray your juice all over my tits
No-one has ever made me come as hard as you

I like 2 and 16, and there’s nothing wrong with 3. Personally, while I do love being sprayed wth cum, I would usually reserve this phrase for when a guys cum tastes bad as much prefer to swallow.

If you are gagging for more then here are plently more dirty phrases to say in bed.

Is a vibrator a suitable gift for your best mate?

editor — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 22:24:22 +0000

Two days ago I had a bright idea.

A very birght idea.

An absolutly amazing idea.

I was trying to decide what to get my best mate for christmas. What does she want, what does she really want. Hmmm, let me think – chocolate, sexy bath bubbles – hmm, nice but boring. Surely there must be somethng she wants. Then i remembered a drunken chat we had about how she finds her vibrator a bit noisy and is always concious about her housemates hearing it, and worse still she said that when she uses it the TV in the comunal living room goes all fuzzy.

So I thought, by George I’ve got it, the girl has got it, I’m a genius – I’ll get her a super quiet vibrator for xmas. So I headed over to my sex toy website of choice, and searched for a super quiet vibrator. I found a few but set my eyes on this vibrator for £9.99. Watched the video about how super quiet yet powerful it is.

I was almost convinced but I was popping into town in the afternoon so thought I’d go to Anne Summers and see what they could offer me. I was quite dispointed really, the staff were helpful but thye just didn’t have what I wanted. I asked them to show me their quietest vibrator, which as it turns out was not quiet at all. In fact I do wonder if the shop assistant had misheard and thought I asked her to show me the vibrator that she would recomend using if you want all your housemates to hear through the wall.

Anyway I decided that lovehoney was the place to get it from. Despite the fact delivery is free on any order a the moment, I couldn’t stop myself from adding a few extras for me to my basket. The next day I got home from work to find my parcel waiting for me – yipee. I opened it up to find that somehow I’d acidentally ordered two. My stupidity I’m sure, I remember thinking that the order was a bit more expencive than I’d added up in my head. One for me one for her – best mates – matching vibrators – how cute, haha. But that’s not what I wanted I just wanted one for her. So the extra vibrator gives me a problem.

While I was waiting for the order to be delivered I started to wonder if my genius idea, was actually real genius or just stupid. Is it appropriate to give a vibrator to your best mate. She’s a quite open minded girl – well you’d have to be to be mates with me, but she doesn’t really know the true depths of my perversions and i suspect now may be quite embarrased to get a vibrator for xmas.

So what do you think?

Flick Book Porn

editor — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 22:37:51 +0000

I would love to be filmed having sex but usually forget about that once I’m busy enjoying myself. I do however have a rather expansive collection of photos. So i thought that I’d have a go at making a kind of porn flick book with a couple of sequential images.

What do you think?

Oh and if you want to know how to make your own flick book porn from your photos it’s really simple. Just search google for “create animated gif”.

The Substifuck

editor — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:01:50 +0000

Whilst out this weekend enjoying a beer with a friend and talking about life, love and lego (we had had a few beers) we invented a new word.

Substifuck.

A substifuck simply defined as you may be able to guess is a substitute fuck. Someone you fuck instead of someone you really want to.

Now this term donates something more than merely fantasising about someone else during sex. Or wishing you were actually fucking someone else. For example:

When I’m fucking a guy I quite often fantasise that there is another girl involved. That is not a substifuck situation.
Sometimes when I’m fucking someone I may close my eyes and imagine they are someone else, some celebrity that I fancy or the cute guy who works at the supermarket, although closer this is still not a substifuck.

A substifuck is where you meet someone not necessarily because you like them especially, really just to kill time and distract you from who you would much rather be seeing and for whatever reason can’t.

I would never want to fuck someone I didn’t fancy but sometimes personality and a connection just are not important. In fact someone who is good in bed but who has no distinct sexual personality and where there is no real connection between you is perfect. I have a few sex friends, and while I am not in love with any of them I respect them and care for them. I fuck them because I want sex and I want sex with them specifically. My head my occasionally adds other imaginary characters into the room with us but my mind is never completely unfaithful. I would grant no such courtesy to a substifuck. A substifuck is there to be fucked for fuck’s sake, who they are is really irrelevant. You do not feel any kind of warmth towards them, what you feel for them is in fact a lack of feeling, complete and utter indifference.

To you they are an ends to a means, little more than a blow up doll with more features, completely expendable and replaceable, While you fuck them, your entire mind an body is imagining that you are fucking who you really want to be with, your thoughts of your substifuck are completely non-existant.

That was our drunken attempt at enriching the English language. It’s not big and it’s not clever but it amused us.

Sexperiments – in the name of science

editor — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 19:25:23 +0000

My all new sexperimentation site is in prelaunch. We have almost finished the design and are busy writing up the results of our sexperiments.

It is all about sexperimentation, trying out new sexual experiences in the name of science and recording the results.

I hope you enjoy the site and I would love to hear what you think.

Get involved

If you have any ideas for sexperiments that you would like me and the team to try then we would really love to hear from you.

If you would like to share the results of your very own sexperimentation then we welcome guest writers, we are hapy to credit your work or for you to remain anonymous.

To contact me and the team visit in the name of science and post a comment.