Bisexual Adventuress

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Whilst out this weekend enjoying a beer with a friend and talking about life, love and lego (we had had a few beers) we invented a new word.

Substifuck.

A substifuck simply defined as you may be able to guess is a substitute fuck. Someone you fuck instead of someone you really want to.

Now this term donates something more than merely fantasising about someone else during sex. Or wishing you were actually fucking someone else. For example:

• When I’m fucking a guy I quite often fantasise that there is another girl involved. That is not a substifuck situation.
• Sometimes when I’m fucking someone I may close my eyes and imagine they are someone else, some celebrity that I fancy or the cute guy who works at the supermarket, although closer this is still not a substifuck.

A substifuck is where you meet someone not necessarily because you like them especially, really just to kill time and distract you from who you would much rather be seeing and for whatever reason can’t.

I would never want to fuck someone I didn’t fancy but sometimes personality and a connection just are not important. In fact someone who is good in bed but who has no distinct sexual personality and where there is no real connection between you is perfect. I have a few sex friends, and while I am not in love with any of them I respect them and care for them. I fuck them because I want sex and I want sex with them specifically. My head my occasionally adds other imaginary characters into the room with us but my mind is never completely unfaithful. I would grant no such courtesy to a substifuck. A substifuck is there to be fucked for fuck’s sake, who they are is really irrelevant. You do not feel any kind of warmth towards them, what you feel for them is in fact a lack of feeling, complete and utter indifference.

To you they are an ends to a means, little more than a blow up doll with more features, completely expendable and replaceable, While you fuck them, your entire mind an body is imagining that you are fucking who you really want to be with, your thoughts of your substifuck are completely non-existant.

That was our drunken attempt at enriching the English language. It’s not big and it’s not clever but it amused us.