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Gentlemen in Prague: We’re Waiting to See Your Asses

editor — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 14:00:17 +0000

Free Sex at Prague Brothel Tests Taboo as Reality Romps Hit Web

Jan. 10 (Bloomberg) — If you want to watch Nick having sex
with a prostitute, he's happy to let you.

The 36-year-old bank-security technician drove eight hours
from his home in Metz, France, to Big Sister, a Prague brothel
where customers peruse a touch-screen menu of blondes, brunettes
and redheads available for free. The catch is clients have to let
their exploits be filmed and posted on the Internet.

Huh. Guess even if there will never be another Jenna Jameson, there's always the possibility of discovering another Ron Jeremy.

No related posts.

Today in Awkward Moments: Couple Marries, Discovers They’re Twins

editor — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 14:00:14 +0000

OK, kids, first person singular: I, Scanner Bryan, am an adoptee. My biological parents were 15 and, er, 19 (I think) — just a couple kids in a jam who felt that handing off their newborn to another couple would be the best thing for all concerned. That's not a decision that I've ever regretted their making, and frankly, although being adopted can often be the source of great insecurity, social confusion, and even tendancies towards self-destruction, I've quite literally never had any problems with it whatsoever.

Why do I mention this? Because the following scenario, which may just sound gross or crazy or kinky to non-adoptees, is still pretty much my worst fucking nightmare. (PS: Major spoiler ahead if your knowledge of mid-90's indie movies isn't fairly encyclopedic.)

A pair of twins who were adopted by separate families as babies got married without knowing they were brother and sister, a peer told the House of Lords.

A court annulled the British couple's union after they discovered their true relationship, Lord Alton said.

The only way it could be more terrifying: if the woman was older, and, well, I'm sure you know where that one's going. Eye-Gouge City.

Still, call me crazy, but I can't help but think that the saddest part of this story is that the couple — who so far have retained their anonymity — are no longer married. There's nothing to indicate that the annulment they were granted was actually sought by them; it could easily have been mandated by the court. And in either case, what are you gonna do: un-have the sex? Un-love the person? Maybe the characters played by Chris Cooper and Elizabeth Peña in John Sayles' Lone Star have the right idea: everybody's dealt a shitty hand, best to go with what you got and make the most of it together.

Or maybe not. I mean, what would I do if I discovered something crazy about my wife's family? (Which, BTW, there doesn't seem to be much chance of happening.) Hell, I just don't know.

What about you?

Porn Industry Rethinks HD, Putting the "Blue" Into Blu-Ray

editor — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 14:00:13 +0000

Playstation 3 owners, rejoice: you won't have to buy an XBox 360 to watch hi-def porn anymore.

[A]bout a year ago, the porn industry threw its lots in with HD-DVD.
Everyone said that, rather than their aggressive price-cutting, would
help them win the format war.

Twelve months on, and big players including Digital Playground and
Hustler have parked their asses on the fence, offering Blu-Ray porn
along with blue HD-DVD offerings. DP has said they'll [release] 15
titles in the format this year, Hustler upping their number to 25.

This, on the heels of major studios rejecting HD-DVD technology for BluRay, may mean that the struggle to establish a standard hi-def format is reaching an end. (We'd mention the thing about how VHS's embracing of the porn industry ensured its triumph over Betamax in the early 80's, but we're starting to hear that it's an urban myth.)

In any event, we just bought one of them new fangled HDTV's, and have been wondering what hardcore in HD looked like. Anyone out there had a look? We're not exactly sold on buying a whole new system just to watch hi-def movies, let alone porn — watching the local news in HD is traumatizing enough, and they're not even showing their asses — but if you think it's worth it, let us know!

The Results Are In: Marry, F*ck or Kill, Scanner Caucus Edition

editor — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 14:00:11 +0000

You guys were all over the place on the Marry, Fuck, Kill, Scanner Caucus Edition, except for one common theme…

Most of you want to marry Hillary Clinton. Does this mean you want to vote for her? Or that only dudes commented and you're not allowed to marry other dudes?

Previously: Marry, F*ck or K*ll, Scanner Caucus Edition: Clinton, Obama, Edwards

Gmail Scans and Semen Tanks

editor — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 14:00:04 +0000

A tipster, Ali, sent us this email:

You know how Gmail posts little "Web Clips" at the top of your inbox? I don't know if they're personalized or anything, but I wasn't sure why I should care that semen tanks are on sale. You'll be happy to know that MVE has the best prices on the net for all your Bovine Semen storage needs: sementanks.com

Thanks, Ali! Hilarious? Yes. We all know that Gmail scans our emails for key words and provides appropriate ads. But when she forwarded us that email we got the same ad. So, come on, Ali. Fess up. What were you emailing about?

Semen makes women happy!

Masturbation: "It’s totally safe unless you’re inserting food objects into yourself."

editor — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 14:00:02 +0000

Wisconsin mother of three (due to the "pull and pray method,") Nikol Hasler, co-creator of the Midwest Teen Sex Show, was on the CBS Evening News last night. Haven't seen The Midwest Teen Sex Show yet? The web series aims to educate kids about sex in a matter-of-fact way—that way parents never seem to get right. Here's Episode One on female masturbation. Best tip? Girls, don't ask your dad to buy you a vibrator.

Find the rest at MidwestTeenSexShow.com.

Thompson, Obama: the Humpiest Candidates?

editor — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 13:59:59 +0000

Frank Luntz, the Republican pollster who on NPR's Fresh Air once tried to make "Orwellian" sound positive, has apparently done an extra-special bit of freelance work for that bastion of conservatism known as Playboy. Among his findings, according to Gawker: "14 percent of Thompson supporters and 12 percent of Obama supporters
claim to have sex 'almost every day.'"

Which maybe sounds surprising — Thompson supporters more horny than Obama's? — until you remember two things: 1) there's, like, 8 times more Obama supporters, and b) Thompson supporters are running on the sweet, desperate aphrodisiac of self-engineered failure. Meaning the Thompson '08 crew aren't some new-fangled, sex-positive, conservative voting block; they're the political equivalent of an incestuous AA chapter. Add a hot FLILF to the mix, and dude, we'd be fuckin' our sorrows away too.

(No offense to any Thompson supporters out there. We loved your guy in Hunt for Red October.)

Marry, F*ck or K*ll, Scanner Caucus Edition: Clinton, Obama, Edwards

Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Biel, Britney Spears, Donda West and That Guy You Hate

editor — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 13:59:53 +0000

Jessica Biel goes blonde. We're scared.

Britney Spears flees for Mexico—we mean goes on vacation—with her paparazzi "friend."

Kanye West's mom, Donda West, apparently died from "some preexisting coronary artery disease and multiple postoperative factors following surgery." Mmmkay.

Do you hate your friend's boyfriend? WebMD is here to help.

Video of the Day: "American Psycho" as RomCom

editor — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 13:59:51 +0000

What we love most about this faux-trailer for Mary Harron's 2000 socio-splatter period piece American Psycho is that total-romantic-comedy-climax-bit where Patrick Bateman is running. We'd sort of forgotten that Bateman — who, as played by Christian Bale, we remember as being posessed by an ominous sort of physical inertness, punctuated by fits of gangly, over-the-top violence — ever ran anywhere in that movie.

Hey, how ya like that — a gag trailer is gonna prompt us to rewatch that movie for real.

UPDATE: Hey, the embed doesn't seem to be working so great, so check it out here.

Video of the Day: Richard Simmons Still Crazy After All These Years

The Science of Backing That A*s Up

editor — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 13:55:19 +0000

The New York Times today explores the science of picking workout music:

One of the most important elements, Dr. Karageorghis found, is a song’s tempo, which should be between 120 and 140 beats-per-minute, or B.P.M. That pace coincides with the range of most commercial dance music, and many rock songs are near that range, which leads people to develop “an aesthetic appreciation for that tempo,” he said. It also roughly corresponds to the average person’s heart rate during a routine workout — say, 20 minutes on an elliptical trainer by a person who is more casual exerciser than fitness warrior.

Not that we work out often enough, but when we do, and we just don't think we can make it anymore, we bust out some Snoop, and then when things get really bad, only one song will do.

How can you not want to shake everything to this?

[New York Times: They’re Playing My Song. Time to Work Out.]