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I have seen some funny looking sex toys in my time. But this one really has me curious. I think it looks like something you would use to massage your back or something – you know the rolling massager type things I mean. So yeah anyway this sex toy does not scream sex toy – but does it make you scream.
This is what lovehoney have to say about the sqweel:
World Exclusive! Sqweel ® is a revolution in orgasms! The sensational new patent-pending oral sex simulator has a wheel of 10 teasing tongues that will lap you to orgasm time and time again. Sorry guys, you’re not even needed for oral sex any more! Limited stock at this special launch price. Sqweel ® is a patent-pending sex toy for women (and their partners!) designed to simulate the sensation of oral sex.
Forget everything you thought you knew about sex toys – LoveHoney Sqweel is different. It doesn’t vibrate. It doesn’t thrust. It doesn’t just provide quick, semi-satisfying orgasms. Its unique wheel of tongues provides easily controlled stimulation at just the speed you need to deliver deeper, long-lasting, more ‘real’ sheet-clenching orgasms – whenever you want them.
International sex expert Tracey Cox says: “Sqweel feels completely different to a vibrator and while it’s not a tongue, it’s the closest you’ll ever get to it! It’s an entirely different sensation, so human it’s almost eerie. Own one of these and a vibrator and your boyfriend should be seriously worried!”
So how do you use the Sqweel?
Take off the cover, flick the switch and the tongues start rotating.
Then just add some of your favourite lube to yourself and your Sqweel tongues to get you both in the mood!
Start gently – you don’t need much pressure to start Sqweeling!
Start on the slowest speed, and hold Sqweel against your stomach or neck first to get used to the unique sensation! When you’re ready, let the tongues gently lap your clitoris. Take you time to slowly build yourself to orgasm. Flick the switch again to go faster – and once more for the most intense stimulation, if you feel you need to! Try holding Sqweel the other way round to have an orgasm in reverse!
Made for sharing! Sqweel isn’t just for oral sex – use it during foreplay to tease each others erogenous zones – neck, thighs, stomach – wherever your imagination leads!
Easy to clean. When you’ve stopped Sqweeling it’s quick and easy to clean your Sqweel. Just pop open the cover and the wheel of tongues comes out. Give it a squirt of toy cleaner and rinse under the tap.
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So a friend of mine sent me a I suppose sexist chain text message. It kinda made me giggle (I had drunk a few glasses of wine at the time) so I thought I’d share it with you:
If all women were like mobile phones you could:
Choose the package that appeals to you most
Pick the size and features you really want
Cancel them immediately when someone steals them from you
Upgrade to a newer model every 12 months
Accessorize and they wouldn’t complain
Set to vibrate at all times and then…
Switch to silent mode when they do your head in
So why did I find that funny? Yeah, I know it’s crap isn’t it. Am I just being stupid but why would a woman complain if you accessorized. But sometimes shit stuff makes me giggle.
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A recent online poll was conducted to find out the worst things to hear during sex. There were a wide range of responses and the results were very insightful and funny indeed.
The worst sound as agreed by all responders was the front door closing, which took first place with 24 percent.
In second place is your partner yelling out at full volume that they love your mum. Yikes!
Other popular responses people to not want to hear between the sheets were:
Farm animals
I love you
I love your big fat bank account
The sound of noisy housemates
The neighbours banging on the wall
The bed breaking
There were some even more interesting answers provided by those who responded “other” and then elaborated! Other things that people don’t want t hear during sex are:
A loud fart
“I feel sick”
Someone else’s name
Children
“Show me where your mother lives!” (Hat tip to all Ross Noble fans)
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Most people have tried to have sex in the bath or shower, and most people have realised that it’s not as easy as you’d think.
The lack of space and slippery surfaces make it all a bit tricky and go may go off the idea pretty quick.
I’ve put together a few tips for having great shower sex that I will share with you below.
Shower foreplay
Most girls have used the shower head to masturbate. If you haven’t you should try it, make sure it is not too hot of course as your clit may not like that water as hot as the rest of your body. Allowing the warm water to flow over your clit can feel great.
The shower spray can also be great for a guy too. Again make sure the water is not too hot or too cold. Spraying the water on the underside of a guys penis can feel great. It stimulates the frenulum and encourages blood flow, this can feel great and as a bonus can give him a bigger, stronger erection.
Sex in the shower positions
Finding the right position in the shower is not easy and sex can be awkward due to limited space and slippery surfaces and nothing to grab for balance. Sportsheets have created some amazing Sex In The Shower products that give you something to hold onto. They also have a foot rest and handle to give you the perfect leverage. This opens you up to a whole range of new positions and makes sex in the shower more fun as you are les likely to fall and hurt yourself.
Waterproof vibrators – take them in the shower
Vibrators are not just for the bedroom. Not all vibrators are waterproof though, so make sure that yours is before taking it in the shower or bath. You should also check if it is splash proof or fully waterproof. Splash proof might be fine for a bit of fun in the shower but if you want to use it fully underwater it will need to be fully waterproof.
There is an amazing range of waterproof vibrators on the market now. Some of those are specifically designed for fun in the shower or bath rather than the waterproofness being another feature.
If you want to leave your vibrator in the bathroom so it is there for you whenever the mood takes you then the I Rub My Duckie Waterproof Vibrator quite clever. There’s nothing worse than having to get out of the bath to go and get something you’ve forgotten. You can leave the I rub my duckie vibrator in the bathroom without it looking out of place.
If this is still a bit too much for you to leave lying round your bathroom then you can also get a vibrating sponge. It looks just like a normal sponge but has hidden compartment to keep a bullet vibe in.
Female ejaculation – squirting in the shower
One of the main things that stop women squirting is the fear of messing up the bed and the worry that comes with it. Meaning that they hold themselves back from squirting.
The shower or bath is a great place to try squirting. Standing up in the shower or lying down in the bath both give you a great position to let you pleasure your g-spot. The worry of making a mess is taken away and you can squirt and gush as much as you want.
Lubrication
Another problem that you may come across when having sex in the shower is that the water tends to wash away your natural lubrication leaving you a bit dry. To combat this you could use a silicone lubricant. They are better for use in the shower than water based lubricants as they do not wash away as easily and should keep you wet for as long as you need. Make sure that you don’t use silicone lubricant with silicone sex toys!
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Yes, that’s right. Women can ejaculate too, and here’s how you can give it a shot…
Even though it’s only a small majority of women who can squirt further than some men, most women are capable of producing big gushes of milky white vaginal fluid when their G-spot is stimulated properly. It just takes time and practice, like everything else that’s worth waiting for.
In order to get even close to ejaculating, you need to stimulate your G-spot. To find your G-spot, you or your lover will have to place a finger inside against your vaginal wall and waggle a finger in a ‘come hither’ motion. You should be able to feel a raised, textured area that’s different to the rest of the vaginal wall. G-spots vary from woman to woman, but they’re usually spongy in texture, even though the size and pleasure capacity varies with each individual.
It’s worth pointing out here that will some women will literally wet themselves with pleasure when their G-spot is stimulated, others won’t be too bothered and some may find it annoying. But if you want to give female ejaculation a shot, you need to get used to having your G-spot touched and stimulated.
To stimulate your G-spot, you can either use your fingers or your partner’s fingers, through sex positions such as Doggie style or Reverse Cowgirl (lean back so that your partner’s penis really hits the spot) or with a specially designed sex toy such as the G-Tongue G-spot And Clitoral Vibrator.
You may feel as though you want to pee when you start stimulating your G-spot, which can be an uncomfortable feeling for some women, but as long as you’ve emptied your bladder before you started then you won’t pee the bed. Just keep going and that urge to wee will soon pass; replaced by a deeply satisfying sensation the further on you go.
A G-spot orgasm can take some time to achieve, but it’s well worth the effort. Once you get to the point where you feel as though you’re going to have an earth-shattering orgasm, push your PC muscles out (rather than clenching them in) to increase your chances of squirting or gushing. You may want to place a towel underneath you during your first few attempts… Just in case!
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If you are a fan of Hollyoaks as I am you may have been following the storyline where Dom has a stripper girlfriend. As you would expect things don’t run that smoothly even in tv land.
I’ve been reading an interesting guide on how to date a stripper by Flashy over at openzine. Here are the top tips he gives in his dating a stripper guide.
Befriend the dancer first. Most dancers dislike the managers and have their favorites among the bouncers. If you befriend the dancers first, you don’t have to worry about being one those “creepy” pals of the manager.
Don’t ask them for their phone numbers or real names right away. Let them give it to you when it’s the right time. Give them yours instead.
The best chance of dating a stripper is when you meet them outside the club–at the gym, a concert, the store, etc. As has been said, some strippers won’t date any customers; some strippers will ‘hook up’ but not date a very attractive customer, and some strippers will occasionally date a customer they find attractive.
Don’t be drunk at the club where she dances. Dress nicely and make sure you smell good.
If you are having a relationship with a stripper, stay out of the club she’s in. Jealousy tends to rear its head, even though the stripper is on the job and needs to do the ‘hustle’ in order to get an income. She may also feel jealous if you flirt or purchase dances from other strippers. The last thing a stripper needs is relationship issues coming into her workplace.
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I love talking dirty and being talked dirty to. Dirty phone calls, sexy texts, kinky emails but best of all one on one in the bedroom.
Here are some great phrases that lovehoney have put together to help you get over your tongue tiedness and get you and your lover fucking like wild animals!
This is going to be the filthiest night of your life
I’m dripping wet and gagging for you
Fuck me now!
You look really sexy when you do that…
You can have me any way you want
I’m your sex slave for the evening
I’m naked and I’m touching myself…
You make me so horny
I want you to touch me here…
It drives me wild when you look at me like that
Put your big, hard cock in my mouth
Get the camera!
I’m gonna lick you until you scream
Tie me up and touch me slowly
You taste so good
I want to rub my pussy all over your face
Pound me into oblivion
Fuck me like a porn star
Spray your juice all over my tits
No-one has ever made me come as hard as you
I like 2 and 16, and there’s nothing wrong with 3. Personally, while I do love being sprayed wth cum, I would usually reserve this phrase for when a guys cum tastes bad as much prefer to swallow.
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So I was going to talk more about this in the last post but it went off on a tangent. A few people this month have found my blog by searching for custard knickers.
What could they have been looking for and what else may they have found:
Sarah and Jo giggled while Rachael and Ellie squirmed at the feeling of the beans in their underwear and felt the cool sauce trickling down their legs. Sarah continued to waffle to the girls while Jo put the empty bucket down out of the way; she then picked up another bucket ready to give the two newcomers another treat. As Sarah waffled, Jo sat the bucket down beside Rachael; she dug a hand in and picked up a big handful of the chocolate rice pudding. She took hold of Rachael’s bra easing the right cup away from her breast and depositing the handful of dessert in the, replacing the material as Rachael squealed and shivered at the coldness of the mix as it covered her right breast. Jo dug her hand into the bucket again, enjoying the giggles from the girls and giggling herself at the view of the two girls bulging messy panties as they stood on either side of a very clean Sarah. Jo stood up, with another pile of the rice pudding in her palm. She pulled Rachael’s left bra cup away from her breast, this time noticing a little smile on Rachael’s face as she dumped the pudding in and replaced the material. Rachael giggled, the thick mess felt nice on her skin, and the giggles from the girls increased as Rachael’s bra turned from pink to a chocolatey-brown as bits of the mess slid down her tummy.
Ellie knew what was coming next, and sure enough, as Sarah continued to waffle, Jo put down the bucket down beside Ellie and dug her hand into the mix again. She lifted the handful up to Ellie’s chest, and pulled her right bra cup away from her breast, dumping the cool rice pudding in as Ellie squealed. She replaced the bra cup and picked up another handful of the stuff as Ellie shivered with the coldness of the pudding. The second handful to her right breast was no warmer as Ellie squealed again. She had a trickle of the chocolate rice pudding running down her tummy. The giggles of the girls continued as Sarah still acted as if nothing was happening and Jo continued to stifle her giggles. A chocolate rice pudding covered hand was hastily clamped over her mouth only resulting in more giggles from the watching girls.
Our view of WAM is focused on wet and messy clothes and panties – not on pictures of models.
Our preference is for wet and messy clothes and panties. We find it erotic and sensual. That is why in our videos you see a lot of panty and ass massage! We are WAM addicts! So, you won’t see faces in our pictures or videos but you will see SOAKING WET PANTIES, PANTY- LINES, MUDDY PANTIES, AND FOOD POURED AND SMASHED INSIDE THOSE BEAUTIFUL PANTIES. Oh, yeah, we do have close-ups so you can see and enjoy food gushing out of panties right between the legs.
Salmon and Scallop Roulade in a White Wine Cream Sauce with Caviar Salmon fillet wrapped around a scallop; shallots sauted in butter; add 1 cup of wine and boil for 2 minutes; then poach salmon – 3 minutes; add cream and bring to a simmer. A rich appetiser that will get you an even richer dessert.
Baked Wild Mushroom Fettucini Cook fettuccine until al dente. 1C soaked dry porcini, 1C any wild mushroom. Saute in butter and add soaking liquid. Simmer 5 minutes. Add 1C cream. Add to pasta and bake covered 5 minutes. Tuscan flair in the kitchen will be rewarded.
Butter-fried Cod on Savoy Cabbage and Bacon Finely chop 1 small leek, cabbage and bacon. Fry bacon, add veg and butter. Cook but keep crisp. Add 1/4C cream. Lightly fry 2 cod fillets in butter/ground Black pepper until just done. Place on veg. Simple, down-to-earth cooking will be replicated in the bedroom.
Freshly Shucked Oysters Aux Naturelles Shuck 1/2 dozen, bed on ice, squeeze of lemon. That’s it. Get your own bearded clam soon after
Oysters would do it for me every time, yum. As for the custard knickers there doesn’t seem to me much out there at all. I was very surprised. I did enjoy the gunge story though and couldn’t help getting a little turned on.
